Familiar tak dengan these saying dan yang sewaktu dengannya? Bet you do. Whenever I dengar someone saying that, all I can say (dalam hati) 'bullshit' (!) because kita semua judge.
These recent days, I have self-issue which I will cry every single night so far until tonight masih lagi berlaku activity wajib tu. I pun rasa I macam suffer dengan mental-illness. I've been isolating myself from everyone, hang out alone in my room and barely talk (means barely keluar kan suara except that I karaoke syok sendiri) So I rasa lonely gila. So topic I sekarang, sepanjang I mendiamkan diri without any solid reason, I did reflect on few things that I think good to be reflected aka that are reflected for good haha ayat teacher terabur.
Well okay; we all judge. There might be at some points, someone does things that you dislike or you actually fine with, you don't say a thing about it, you don't display your disagreement/agreement, you still treat that person the same way you always do, but hey, admit it, whatever he/she did, it still gives an impression to uols kan, either good or bad je percaya lah ada even sebesar zarah.
Not going against someone does not mean you don't judge them sebab maybe uols memang jenis pendam or pendiam or malas nak fikir. Lets say, there's a person whom you talk to about religion, but you know for a fact that he or she is not on the same page as you. At the same time, you don't backfire what they say. You know better not to say things that would lead to a fight or ketidakpuasan hati (secara dalaman kan) because you have already understood that its their style. That's already judging. You have already labelled that someone as being religious, so you wouldn't talk to him/her about certain things. At the same time, you have already labelled some other friends as someone who takes religion very lightly, so you wouldn't mind telling him. And that's already judging.
And as for my situation at the moment, does not mean that I don't mingle around I've stopped having this judging-thoughts (or more to wondering). Because sepanjang I duduk dalam bilik, I've been wondering what actually my friends think of me that I am no longer talk and share and more to being too secretive. What do they think of me? Bad? Poyo? Mengada? or maybe like Maybe she has a problem? That's labeling. In all my life, never a day I stop thinking about what people talk about me and what I think of others whenever I see them passing. And what should I do to make them stop talking and for me to stop criticizing. Maybe for my situation, I should socialize more and talk to them normally I mean like usual. But for the mean time, why do I have this thought that SOME of them stared at me differently (different than usual) and SOME seemed to be like have no more interest to talk to me, even when I tried. Then when I did try to start the conversation, and such negative feedback hurt me even. Then I'd have another judgmental thought of 'maybe he or she doesn't feel comfortable with me anymore' or 'maybe he or she thinks I look too desperate to talk to him/her nah nevermind!' Mana lah tak sedih and mana lah some people like me tak stay silence because of people's reaction and impression that I often concern about. Hence I decide to remain like what I am now because I know, it will be hard to bear the unbearable and hard to be judged and to continue judging.
Now let me ask you. Have you ever come across this situation?Actually, we have nothing against that someone, really. But we can't help to disagree / be unsatisfied, although quietly, because we know the reality. We know how he or she is like for real because let's say, we used to be close him/her, we used to do all the bad things together. That's already judging. Your friend is judging that someone as a good person, but you'd think that your friend's judgement is overrated.
Having impressions about someone is judging. Whatever I am going through right now, that uols not in the same shoes, let me be. I am in the process of observing. To stay afar from the situation that will make me talk or so eager to know about others because then I will start to judge and judge and judge.
That's why it's always advisable to not disclose your weaknesses and mistakes. Not just your own, but someone else's. That's why Islam tells us to "jangan buka aib orang". Because we all judge, no matter what.
Stop saying that you don't judge. We all do. That's my point. We all judge. I judge. You judge. But some choose to not disclose their judgments some choose to disclose. Bukan senang nak trying to change something actually, when I hidup sensorang dalam bilik and only social networking and books keep me company macamni rasanya hidup tak bersocial sunyi and sangat menyiksakan. Maybe I should stop trying or try to be less hard with myself because not talking to the people I used to talk everyday is actually, sucks. However, hey you can't really tell people that they can't judge. By doing that, you're already judging that person as someone who likes to judge because we hardly stop judging.
Pening tak banyak sangat vocab judge? Hahaha so, renung-renungkan :)
p/s : Some ideas are retrieved from Ha's blogspot.
No comments:
Post a Comment